10 Signs You Need Couples Therapy
Let’s face it, marriage is WAY harder than you expected!
Everyone – even the happiest couples – experiences bumps and bruises along the relational road. If you are struggling to connect in your relationship or feeling like the hard is getting untenable, you might be wondering when is the “right” time to seek out a therapist for support. On average, couples wait 7 years before they seek out the services of a couple’s therapist. To help you get ahead of the average, here are ten signs you should seek couples counseling.
Sign 1: Poor Communication
Communication is the #1 issue I see as the reason for coming into couples therapy. Once you’ve decided it’s easier to avoid the conflict than to bring it up, yet AGAIN or you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, it can be really difficult to come back from that disconnection. Couples counseling can help you navigate difficult conversations and give you the tools to lean into conflict with confidence and compassion.
Sign 2: Assuming the Worst
If every conversation ends in an impasse, yelling or tears, or some variation of the sort, that’s a really good sign you need the support of a couples therapist. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship – whether it’s healthy or toxic. However, if there’s more conflict than there is joy, therapy can provide the space and tools to learn how to agree to disagree, hear your partner without internalizing their perspective, remain, calm when emotions are running hot, and take a time-out when it’s warranted.
Sign 3: Fighting over the same issues
If it feels like the same issue keeps coming up and you're going around in circles, therapy can help you and your partner get to the root cause of the issue and determine whether or not it can be worked through. John Gottman’s research shows that 69% of couples’ arguments are unsolvable. A couples therapist can help the two of you to disagree respectfully, as opposed to fighting on who is more right.
Sign 4: You've grown apart
The great hope is that as we continue to grow and evolve as individuals throughout our lives, our relationships will have the space to allow for that growth. Difficulties in relationships arise when we grow apart as opposed to together. Oftentimes, couples become so disconnected, they begin to resemble roommates and their emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy gradually disappears. Marriage counseling can help you and your partner find your way back to each other by helping the two of you understand these new versions of yourselves.
Sign 5: There’s been a breach of trust
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, upwards of 40% of couples have been affected by infidelity. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it can be difficult to restore trust. Betrayal cuts really deep and the scars may never fully heal without doing the hard work of repair. Counseling can help you work through infidelity and gradually re-establish mutual trust and rebuild the foundation of the relationship.
Sign 6: There are secrets
Transparency, direct communication, and honesty is integral to a healthy marriage. And while privacy certainly has a place in every romantic relationship, secrecy does not. Counseling can help encourage honesty and uncover the reasons behind your secrecy.
Sign 7: When you're not on the same page about sex
It's not uncommon for couples to have different expectations on the frequency and differing levels of desire when it comes to intimacy. When there is a lack of intimacy or one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, the bedroom can start to feel like a battleground. Sex is one of the most vulnerable acts we experience in our lives and it when it’s a source of conflict it can result in emotional distance, resentment, insecurity, or even physical or emotional infidelity.
Sign 8: You’re having financial issues
Financial incompatibility at the root of many marital issues. Between debts, different spending habits, and budgetary disagreements, arguments about money can be extremely damaging to relationships. Counseling can help you work through conflicting financial mindsets for a stronger marriage.
Sign 9: Kids
While we all love our kids, the reality is they complicate our relationships. In fact, research has shown couples 75% of couples experience some level of marital dissatisfaction upon the birth of their first child. Whether it’s dividing up the child-rearing duties, getting on the same page about discipline, or dealing with an unforeseen circumstance with your child, therapy can help open the lines of communication and create a united and supportive co-parenting team.
Sign 10: You Just Need Someone to Talk To
Your relationship doesn’t have to be on the brink of collapse to engage the support of a therapist. Life is hard, relationships are tricky and sometimes it feels really good to have a dedicated safe space to talk about the relationship. A therapist is well-trained in listening and helping people work through their thoughts, feelings, emotions, or situations.
Whether you’re married, engaged, living together or dating, you can reconnect, redefine, and rekindle your relationship.
Our highly-trained relationship and sexual wellness therapists at Dalliance Sexual Wellness Collective want to help you with couples therapy in Parker, Lone Tree, Castle Rock, Highlands Ranch or anywhere in the state with online therapy in Colorado.
